The Write Way to Travel

Issue #4
Edited by Lori Appling in Bethany Beach, DE
February 12, 2004

"Don't say it was 'delightful'; make us say 'delightful' when we've read the description. You see, all those words (horrifying, wonderful, hideous, exquisite) are only like saying to your readers 'Please will you do my job for me?'"

-- C.S. Lewis

Today:

• Do You Suffer from "Travel Speak?" Here's the Cure…
• New Bonus Session (Led by Successful Freelancer Rose Burke) Adds Extra Value to May Paris Workshop
• How to Gain Instant Credibility and Credentials
• You May Want to Renew Your Passport Right Now…
• This Week's Featured Travel Publication: Blue Magazine

A Note to Budding Travel Writers:

Know two more people who'd enjoy the freedom and independence of a writer's life? They, too, can receive this free e-letter weekly by visiting: http://www.awaionline.com/travel

Dear Reader,

I think one of the biggest problems beginning travel writers have is nailing down interesting, stand-out details about the destination they're profiling. I see it all the time in the assignments students hand in through AWAI's written travel writing program ( http://www.thetravelwriterslife.com/sh/tw4 ).  

The "pictures" they paint to describe a place either aren't particularly interesting… or they're not really "pictures" at all. Sometimes I finish reading an article about a place, and I still haven't the faintest idea what it's really like.

For example, here's a lead sentence that landed on my desk recently:

"The Village complex is an upscale, luxury development of world class lodging, boutiques, shops, bars and restaurants with plenty of ancillary activities and entertainment."

It's grammatically correct -- but it doesn't really say anything. I don't know what makes the place unique. As far as I'm concerned, it could be any "upscale, luxury development." What's more, my idea of an "upscale, luxury development" might not be anything like what the author is describing.

I asked freelancer Jen Stevens, architect of our travel writer course, to share with you her secret for writing descriptions editors can't resist.

You'll find her advice below.

Jen and I have spent this last week finalizing details for our upcoming travel writer's workshop in Paris, May 9-12. These workshops really are special events we look forward to and plan for all year. With each subsequent one, we make improvements and revisions to the program.

This time, we've added a bonus session to be led by local freelancer Rose Burke (she writes for the "Wall Street Journal," "USA Today," and others). She'll talk about how she ended up a freelance travel writer in Paris (sort of an accident, really). And she'll share her expert advice about the best ways to research articles and the smartest ways to pose interview questions -- so you come away with the meaty quotes and useful "color" editors like to see.

It's impossible to beat the in-person, in-the-trenches advice and guidance you get from the working, professional writers who lead and speak at our workshops. As one past participant put it: “I am somewhat astonished by their generosity in imparting their hard-earned knowledge.”

We're posting all the details now. I'll shoot you a quick note to let you know when the information is up online.

Have a great week,

Lori
Director, AWAI's Travel Writer Program

P. S.How many months before your passport expires? Scroll down for some words of wisdom about how to make sure you don't get turned away at any borders this year.

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HOW TO TRASH THE "TRAVEL-SPEAK"
AND WRITE DESCRIPTIONS THAT SELL

By Jennifer Stevens in Chicago

The descriptions that editors like -- the ones they pay for -- are those that paint pictures so vivid, readers see and feel and taste right along with the writer.

How do you make sure your descriptions do that?

The short answer is: "Show don't tell" -- a maxim of good writing you'll come across in nearly any book devoted to the subject.

But what, exactly, does it mean? How do you, in fact "show" and not "tell" in your own writing?

Turns out, it's not that easy. Don't despair: In a moment, I'll let you in on a secret that will help immensely.

First, though, let me back up…

WHAT, EXACTLY, IS "SHOW DON'T TELL?"

"Show don't tell" means that you shouldn't just announce directly what a place is like and how it makes visitors feel. Instead, you should describe it in such a rich way that your reader experiences it for himself…

In other words, lead your reader to draw his own conclusions about a place. Don't lay them out for him.

For example: Say you're writing about a back-of-beyond hotel on some barely charted island in the Mozambique Channel. You could say it's remote. And you could say it's peaceful.

But a more skillful writer would, instead, describe the place in such a way that the reader would find himself thinking, "Boy, this sounds like the most remote, peaceful place on Earth."

So, how can you "show" your reader remote? Well, tell him about how you get there -- the four-hour ride into dense bush in the canvas-topped back of a 1979 Peugeot pick-up truck with three chickens, four shrouded women, and an infant for company.  

And how do you "show" peaceful? Perhaps describe the night -- how the only sounds you hear are the rustling of lemurs in the trees above, the squeaks of the fruit bats, the sloshing of the Indian Ocean as it slides between the jagged lava rocks that frame the sandy cove where this hotel sits.

I know… it's one thing to read it, it's another altogether to do it yourself. But take the following advice seriously, and you will improve every description you write:

THE BIG SECRET: AVOID "FILLER" WORDS
(OFTEN ADJECTIVES) THAT DON'T REALLY
SAY ANYTHING… OR SAY SOMETHING
TO ONE PERSON AND SOMETHING ELSE TO ANOTHER.

Sometimes it's hard to find that stand-out detail that really characterizes a woman's dress. So you just say it's "fashionable."

You ring the bell in a rural French town, and a shopkeeper comes down from his upstairs apartment to open his antique store. You wander through, even buy a little something -- silver ice cube tongs. In your story, the shop is "quaint."

Travel writing is full of words like "fashionable" and "quaint" that don't really say anything: pretty, lovely, charming, upscale, idyllic, cozy, colorful, fancy, beautiful…

When you use words like those, you're just filling space. You're taking the easy way out -- and editors know it.

Sometimes, to be fair, those filler words do say something -- it's just that what they say to you as a writer might not be at all what they say to your reader.

As William Zinsser put it: "One man's romantic sunrise is another man's hangover."

Consider this description, which relies on too many "filler" words:

"We're greeted on arrival by hot, tropical weather. A blessing. There's the beautiful bay, Bahia de Zihuatanejo, that we saw in the pictures. Our palapa is at the edge of an idyllic jungle."

"Beautiful bay" -- one reader conjures up Cape Cod in his mind, another sees a Caribbean island.

"Idyllic jungle" -- one reader thinks of a tamed landscape with lighted, stone walkways and strategically planted frangipani, another sees a dense expanse of vines and trees, seemingly impenetrable.

CHOOSE, INSTEAD, SPECIFIC DETAILS.
LEAD YOUR READER TO DRAW HIS
OWN CONCLUSIONS FROM THEM.

Here, by contrast, is a description rich in specifics, which make it genuinely compelling. Ever since I first read this, I've had an itch to see Oslo in winter. And at least one editor liked it -- this appeared in the "New York Times":  

"There were little white candles flickering everywhere in Oslo – even in the breakfast room of the hotel, where we guests all lingered over our lavish Scandinavian smorgasbord. According to our preferences, we fortified ourselves with three kinds of herring, with soft-boiled eggs or shrimp salad, with mackerel in tomato sauce or muesli. We refilled our plates and sipped our tea and coffee, reluctant to go out into the winter cold. Little white candles in silver-stemmed goblets, in smoked-glass boxes, in pewter saucers were burning on every table in every café and restaurant, like a promise to hold onto the light right through the winter darkness."

The writer doesn't tell us that guests have a wide choice of breakfast foods. He doesn't tell us it's cozy. He doesn't tell us Oslo in winter is surprisingly enticing. He provides us the specifics and lets us draw those conclusions from them.

You want your descriptions to make the places your describing come alive for your reader. You want him to join you there. It takes energy and effort. But if you're careful to shun "filler" words in favor of specific details, you'll be way ahead of the pack. And editors will notice that, too.

TRAVEL TIP: WHEN DOES
YOUR PASSPORT EXPIRE?

An important note if you're traveling internationally this year: Before you go, make sure your passport is valid for at least six months beyond your return date.

Seems crazy, but more and more countries are insisting on this provision… and they won't let you in if your passport expires sooner than that.

For information about renewing your passport, visit the U.S. State Department at: http://travel.state.gov/passport_renewal.html   or, two firms that will get you a speedy renewal for a fee: http://www.passportvisaexpress.com/index.shtml   and http://www.passportplus.net/passports/index.htm  

THIS WEEK'S FEATURED TRAVEL PUBLICATION

Blue Magazine publishes travel pieces done in a variety of styles, from the Trips section, which features short adventure travel articles, to their Blue Moon department, which publishes travel pieces of a more literary nature. Send queries to editorial@bluemagazine.com . And find out more by visiting http://www.bluemagazine.com/main.cfm?chid=7&inc=writers

The Write Way to Travel is a FREE weekly newsletter from the American Writers & Artists Institute, available to AWAI students and friends.

� 2004 American Writers & Artists Institute

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